As a twin mom, I can’t leave the house without attracting the looks and comments of strangers. You can enjoy a breakdown of the stupid questions strangers love to ask twin moms here. One question in particular that was personally troubling for me was “One and done, eh?”. Yes, we’re Canadian. Sometimes I’d just shrug and let them move on to the rapid-fire inquiry about the boys. Other times I’d smile defiantly and answer confidently “Nope, we want another” Or two, whatever we are blessed with. There is something about twins that breaks down all social etiquette barriers, and makes people feel comfortable commenting on your life and making assumptions about your family planning journey. People can not fathom the idea of pregnancy after twins. I’d hear this even before the boys were even born, along with the unintentionally loaded “Is this your first?”
Twins were an incredible, inconceivable blessing that shocked and delighted everyone. Other than a close friend with twins, we didn’t know anyone will twins or have another in our families with twins. Still, I had this sixth sense that we were expecting twins. Twin boys specifically. I made a point of telling everyone who knew of the pregnancy to cement my guess. Being pregnant with twins was a wonderful experience. One I would readily repeat again.
On that topic, just how likely is it that we will have twins again?
Lets take a quick look at the numbers from www.twinparents.com…
- Chance of having fraternal natural twins is about 1 in 90.
- Chance of having identical twins is about 1 in 250.
- Using fertility treatment boosts your odds to a 1 in 3.
Now that it our secound time around…
Depending on whether your twins are identical or faternal, yours chances will be polar oppisite.
- Your chances of having another set of set of identical twins drops way down to 1 in 70,000.
- Your chances of having another set of fraternal twins jumps up to an incredible 1 in 12!
- If you are using fertility treatment, then the chances are the same as the first time
Those are some wild odd! The chances of another set of faternal twins seems promising. However, when you think of it as only a 8.3% chance it is still relatively unlikely.
So knowing these odds, and putting our faith in the unknown, allow me to break down why we are still taking the plunge on another baby (or two) after twins...
I’m Not Done Being Pregnant
I really want to be pregnant again! While I was pregnant with my twins I knew that I wanted another pregnancy after twins. I told my husband as much while I was in labor.
Yes, my twin pregnancy was challenging. I held my breath through every milestone, counted each day as a blessing, and prayed the boys would be ok. I struggled with chronic fatigue, debilitating nerve pain, and a host of other pregnancy symptoms that come with carrying twins. It’s natural to be overwhelmed by the thought of enduring all that again in another pregnancy. I realize this time will be even more challenging with two high-strung toddlers running about. Still, I am so overjoyed with the desire to grow and birth another life. The fear of another unsuccessful pregnancy will always be at the front of my mind. That is an experience that changes you. However, I would regret not trying for another child even more. Having another baby, for me, is worth all that.
I loved Breastfeeding My Babies
One of the greatest joys of my life was breastfeeding my twin boys. There is truly nothing like it. Holding one in each arm as they feed side by side. Was it insanely demanding and exhausting? Yes, very much so. And yet it was a gift I am forever privileged to have experienced. The boys outgrew tandem feeding sooner than I would have liked, and so I often breastfed one while simultaneously pumping for the other. Breastfeeding twins can be very stressful when one is impatiently waiting in line or disrupting the other’s meal. It also takes a toll on your body to maintain the milk supply. We made it to just over 10 months before I stopped. I am excited about the possibility of breastfeeding a singleton. I would love to see everything slow down and have all my focus on just breastfeeding one child.
A Bigger Family For Our Children
Our kids are already blessed with a loving extended family from their Papa and Nana, with just their Grandma and great-aunt on their father’s side. However, the extended family only gets together a few times a year for the big holidays. There is also a significant age difference for the boys.
We both grew up at an odd age in our families. Our cousins were either too old or too young for playmates. I didn’t have any siblings at all until I was a teenager. The boys are also significantly younger than their 2nd cousins and certainly will be too old for any potential future cousins. For now, their playmates are each other and friends in the area. We also have a rich network of honorary “Aunts” and “Uncles”, friends of ours for the boys to bond with and play with their children. We host a “Guys” night, a weekly tradition we have only missed once since the boys were born, where my husband’s childhood friends come over to play games and see the boys.
Having another baby (or two!) is one more playmate, one more person in their lives to love.
It’s harder for kids to make friends nowadays. When we were kids, we’d play in the streets until the streetlights came on. Everyone on the block was a potential friend. Now more than ever children are staying indoors, glued to a screen. We’ve chosen to live a more unplugged life. No social media, no cable, no streaming services, and certainly no tablets or little screens for our babies. Our boys will be spending a great deal of time exploring and experiencing the world. I would love another child to be a part of that journey.
Pressure to Have Start Now
An important factor in choosing to grow our family now is to hopefully avoid the risk of a geriatric pregnancy. It seems so ridiculous to call a woman over 35 “geriatric”. Tasteless labels aside, the risks are worrying. A higher risk of complications for mommy and baby that could lead to birth defects, C-section delivery, and miscarriages. Yes I am still a few years off from that, but nothing in life is certain and life is difficult to plan out. We decided to wait until the new year to start trying again.
We are so excited by the possibilities!
Perhaps it will be twins again? Perhaps a girl? Perhaps I will get to experience a full-term singleton pregnancy for the first time. All these possibilities are terrifically exciting. I know many parents (and grandparents) will chime in that “it doesn’t matter as long as they are healthy”. I think it is ok to pray for that and more. Whatever your specific dreams are. Some people want to experience raising a child that is the opposite sex of their current children. Some want to double down on another set of twins. Others just pray for a smoother ride with one baby. I don’t think it jinxes anything to have a specific dream in mind. And it doesn’t diminish the blessing of another baby if the results don’t fall in line with your fantasy.
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